SPR Study

All this time...all this time spent wondering what happened...
 
I went into our mission thinking I was getting answers to help Ember. Echo. I'm not even sure what name to use anymore. Ember, probably Ember. That's the only name they remember. Instead of answers for Ember, I found more questions for both of us. There was a file there on me. I was part of the same study that Ember was in. I found some of my missing journal pages and evidence that they had been monitoring my journals written clear as day into my records. In one of the pages, there was mention of remembering an Ichabod. On another, it was Ichabod S. Throughout mine and Ember's records were mentions of one Dr. Somna...I think that's what the "S" from my old journal entries stands for. It's too much to be a coincidence if you ask me. Ichabod Somna. He's the key to my past. Did they kill me? What were we researching? They killed my other co-workers...I'm sure of it.
 
There's so much to process that I'm not even sure I have the mental capacity right now to even begin unpacking all that I learned. I keep reading and re-reading my file. Then Ember's. Then mine again. Ember is Participant SPR-0001, I’m SPR-1045. So many?! Sig had a great question. What do I want to do with this knowledge? Do I expose the Drafted Service and LHU? Will anyone even care?
 
With every new thing that we learn about my past, Lucius pulls further and further away from me. I'm losing him and I don't know what to do to stop it. He is upset that I continue to be the person that they have engineered me to be. More to the point, he doesn't understand why I won't just come back to the Cult of Fallow Hopes. I may not remember why I became a Hedon, but that doesn't make my belief in my Tenets any less real to me now. Just as his are to him. It is not my place to get between someone else and their beliefs. "Oppose no one, but do not let them prohibit you from enjoying what you can."
 
Edit:
 
How could I be so stupid? I literally said it and it still didn’t click in my head. I was a researcher on the Somnambulist project that I became a part of. They’ve developed something to change somebody’s strain. I’m fully convinced that Somnambulists are an LHU experiment to make super soldiers. That telegram… “In response to your last message…” It won’t stop rattling around my head. Was my last correspondence sent before my death? Am I my own monster? I need back issues of the Daily Bailey Bugle. I need to find that obituary. “…why do I remember flames? Why do I have whispers of screams in my ears and the smell of burnt flesh engrained in my nostrils?” Do you think it was Ember who did it? Is that where the name came from? Did he kill me?
 
What happened to me 1/117? The information was removed from my journal, but no corresponding page exists in my file.
 
Wait a minute!!!!!!!!! These papers say that I was in the service for 8 years!